


we keep all our promises

by secretlyhuman



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Anxiety, Canon Typical Swearing, Childhood Sweethearts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Taako Has Issues (The Adventure Zone)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29092161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretlyhuman/pseuds/secretlyhuman
Summary: Taako is an accomplished pop sensation turned TV chef when a story breaks accusing him of fraud. Kravitz is a brilliant painter and also his first love. Lup just wants to do her job without one of them being in a state of crisis.
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a one that got away au that came to me while i should have been doing serious school research. tags will be updated as i go
> 
> content warning for vomit mention in the 2nd last paragraph but you can skip it np.
> 
> thanks for reading, kudos and comments make my day :)

**hey kiddo u seen this.** He ignored the frustration of his baby sister calling him kiddo, he was older by five minutes that should count for something, his fingers hovering over the link. It was an Architectural Digest video but that wasn’t what caused him pause. No, he was stopped by the name of his first love clearly displayed in the title. Lup knew Kravitz was something of a sore spot for him, why would she send him something with his face right in the thumbnail. 

**lulu, what the fuck**

**taako trust me**

And that was the thing he did, she was the only person he could wholeheartedly say that for. (Could say that for now, the tattoo on his forearm reminded him.) The video took a second to load the little buffering symbol giving his heart time to prepare to see Kravitz for the first time since, well, in a while. 

**....**

Kravitz was uncomfortable with having cameras in his home so he plastered on his best smile, tried to lose some of the tension he knew was pulling at his shoulders. All he wanted to do was fix a drink and sleep for ten hours, after a long night in the studio. He’d forgotten that at seven sharp a man in sensible blue jeans was going to appear on his doorstep. 

He led him through the rooms of his brownstone with his best smile and the customer service voice he’d learned from waiting tables in college. His living room was his favourite all white walls and flourishing plants. The camera man seemed almost surprised by how light the space was and Kravitz paused to explain that if it had been dark then he and his paintings would blend right in, there was fun to be had in that contrast. His favourite painting lay up on his mantle, a tiny piece he’d done before college of Taako and Lup. All that was contained on the scrap of board was their backs, the edges of the frame filled with the blonde hair that for so long was the image he had of them in his mind. 

The next stop was his bedroom, which felt oddly intimate. He didn’t like having someone in his space. Having them in his painting studio was worse, as he rushed to place sheets over half finished canvas’ muttering something about spoilers under his breath, hoping it would be taken as some fun Doctor Who reference rather than a sign of his aggressive perfectionism. The studio lacked the airiness of the rest of the house, it was cramped and messy. He was a little embarrassed that anyone was going to see it. 

The last stop was his kitchen, back to the polished image he was trying to put out into the world his pans hung in neat rows on the wall and he was glad to see he’d remembered to do his dishes the night before. Unfortunately he’d forgotten to put away his damn cookbook and Taako’s face smiled up from his countertop. He wondered if he could throw it out the window before the cameraman noticed. And then it was too late and the inevitable Taako based question was asked. 

He couldn’t stop the words that fell from his mouth even if he’d tried. “Yeah, I love his work. His album is one of the best of all time and even I can follow his recipes.” He managed to catch his tongue after that, hoping the camera wouldn’t catch his furious blush. Fuck. The rest of the interview was mercifully quick and he slumped against the door as it shut behind him. 

He wondered which of their friends would show Taako first, and then they could all laugh at poor hopeless Kravitz still hung up on the boy who broke his heart when they were basically kids. He wondered if he could email his agent and say that he wanted that cut out but that was probably weird. Something like that would lead to more embarrassing questions that he didn’t have it in him to answer. Fuck. He fixed himself that drink and went to go sulk in his studio, promising himself that whatever he painted next wouldn’t look like Taako. 

**....**

Taako caught a glimpse of his first book the second before the words fell from Kravitz mouth and he wasn’t sure he could have heard him right. Best album of all time. That wasn’t something someone in the public eye would say lightly, either it was some weird publicity move or worse he meant it. He squinted at his phone, sure he could see the faint dusting of blush Kravitz got when he was flustered. Even after six years he knew the man’s face like his own, could recognise that look he got when he wasn’t quite saying what he intended to. 

He found himself rewinding the clip over and over, trying to make sense of it. His eyes flicked to Krav’s tightly buttoned sleeve and wondered if under it there was still a shitty stick and poke stabbed into his forearm. He figured that Kravitz would never listen to the damn album, let alone like it. Because if he had listened to it then surely he knew how Taako really felt, and then why would he have never reached back out. 

Asshole. 

How could he leave like that and then years later just mention the damn album like it was nothing. How could he even say Taako’s name after all the time and the distance? His confusion was swiftly replaced with anger, that fucker got to play it off and act like they were strangers when Taako couldn’t even look at him without feeling like an exposed nerve. 

He shot off a new message to Lup without thinking, mostly angry faced emojis and ignored when she replied with **i thought it was sweet**. 

His phone buzzed a few more times throughout the afternoon and he ignored them. He wasn’t being petty; he was just busy, he decided as he threw some flour in a bowl. Pastry was a delicate process, it would take a lot of his attention. And if he missed a few texts in pursuit of a perfect Danish then that was entirely unrelated. Pastry first, then sharp cherry jam, the kind he learnt to make as a kid, but with enough black pepper to deepen the flavour. The adult version of his and Lup’s childhood favourite. 

By the time the pastry was in the oven his phone was buzzing more insistently and his heart dropped when he picked it up. That many messages could not be a good sign, especially when half of them were from his damn agent. He scrolled to the top of the thread to find a link with a whole bunch of punctuation. He clicked it and slowly a picture of him and his ex-partner Sazed loaded into the top of the screen. He scrolled to the headline and not for the first time that day his heart dropped. 

**TV Chef Sazed Makes Claim Taako (From TV) Stole his Recipes in Exclusive Interview.**

He didn’t read the interview, just went back through Merle’s messages. Merle knew it was bull but really there wasn’t much he could do when Sazed had a bunch of papers that looked like the original iterations of more than a few of his more famous recipes. What stung was Sazed was claiming they were his family recipes, and they weren’t. That was Taako’s family stolen and laid bare for the whole world to see. Him, Lup, and Kravitz in his aunt's kitchen learning to make thirty clove chicken, taking turns standing on the stool to peer into the ceramic as the stock boiled. And Sazed was taking it from him, all because Taako wouldn’t let him co host at Glamour Springs. 

He followed by scrolling through his texts, the highlight of which was Magnus threatening to pummel the guy. If he thought it would have made the situation any better he would have let Magnus do it as well. But really he didn’t want that on the big man's conscience. And he didn’t want to become the disgraced chef who then put a hit on the guy who disgraced him. He wondered what Kravitz thought of the whole situation, the other man brought unbidden to the front of his mind in the strangeness of the day. Surely he must be laughing at Taako from the sterile comfort of his house in Brooklyn. 

A banging on his door startled him from the thoughts of Kravitz’s laugh. As he rushed to open it he caught the smell of burning pastry. Of fucking course, it was just going to be one more thing he couldn’t fix today. The door swung open to reveal Lup burdened by shopping bags and she walked straight through without invitation, the smell of plaster and smoke carried in on her hair. 

The bags were dropped on the counter and he could hear the sound of her talking as she pulled the tray out of the oven, some last ditch attempt to save the pastries. But through his door he could see his street and the collection of paparazzi already gathering, cameras pointed at his door. His anxiety rose like bile, and he slammed the door. Sure in the conviction someone would have caught him, makeupless and in sweatpants the day his career ended. 

Behind him Lup was still making chaos in his kitchen but he couldn’t bear to turn around and see her there. Because if he turned around she’d want to talk about it and to talk about it he’d have to admit it was all happening. He ran to his bathroom, the contents of his stomach dispelled into the toilet. And then she was there beside him, hands in his hair to keep it clean. And he was weeping and he was tired and he hated it all. 

He knew if he checked his phone there would be texts from Magnus and Merle checking on him. Maybe one from Barry, depending on what Lup had said. And he knew still open would be a video of Kravitz complementing the damn album, where every song was about him. But he was lonely and soon he would be alone, everyone would think he was a fraud and all he could do was cry into his sister's shoulder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz brownstone is based on [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua0-5FZ2Eww) actual tour but with a slightly different floor set up


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz checks Twitter. Lup makes soup. Taako throws shit.

Kravitz had nervously waited for the release of the Digest tour, wondering how jittery he would look at the mention of Taako’s name. He was relieved to note he looked like a slightly tired professional rather than like the nervous teen he’d felt like. By the three hour mark of its release he was sure Taako must have seen it, his luck was too bad for anything other than that. He was sure somewhere in the celestial plane the lady Istus was laughing at him, the heartbroken painter who could never quite outrun his love for the boy next door. 

By the three hour mark a few gossip blogs had run with and he prayed Taako wouldn’t see those. He even found one with the list  **‘13 Paintings that Show Kraavitz’s Crush on Taako’** . It was almost a sweet relief, if they looked any closer they would find far more than thirteen paintings. His paintings were built off those sticky sweet summers of his childhood. Taako and Lup were painted into all of them, his love for them as family and the space left by Taako deep in his chest. 

He’d sent the list to Merle at least, it was good for his agent to know what the internet thought of him.

He had not been successful in not painting Taako, after that day with the camera man and thoughts of him rose more often than they had in years. Taako was a wound in him that had never quite healed right. He almost hoped the other man would see it, that he was having those thoughts too. He hoped they stung. 

Kravitz didn’t get to be left with those thoughts for long before a different story broke, one far worse than a few half hearted lists. A man he’d never seen before was accusing Taako of being a fraud. He read each article as they came out and his heart sank, they were obviously nonsense. The thirty clove chicken recipe especially, that recipe was baked into Taako’s DNA. How dare this stranger tell the world otherwise. 

He remembered how warm the kitchen got when Taako and Lup would make it. He was never allowed to touch the meal due to the correct assessment that he could burn water without trying. But still he’d spend the day in that little room, cluttered with knives so sharp that as a child he could not be convinced they were kitchen equipment, taking his turn to stare into the bubbling pot. 

He stared at his phone wondering if he should text Lup, losing her had hurt almost as much as the breakup. He didn’t know what he could say to make it better. He didn’t like Taako but this was bigger than his feelings, this was someone rewriting his history on the public stage. It ached. And if it sucked for him he could only imagine how Taako was feeling. It wasn’t simply history for him, but his entire reputation going up in smoke over a bold lie. 

In the week that followed he checked every new story, waiting for the one where Taako cleared his reputation. Showed the world that this was nonsense. With every passing day he was more certain that the refusal wouldn’t come. That damn man and his hurt pride.

He typed a message to Lup. He wanted to know the twins were okay. No. That was stupid, none of this was okay. He wanted them to know that he believed them. That no matter what the world said he was one of the few that knew the truth. His motivation was not entirely pure, he wanted Taako to be thinking of him. He deleted the message to Lup. 

It was the eighth day of bullshit stories and the eighth day of wracking his brains for something to do. And it was some stupid blog post that gave him the idea. The headline was just so shitty and so cruel, implying that Taako’s food was all magic and lies. So he did maybe the stupidest thing imaginable. Before he could even think about it he was searching through his camera roll for a picture that had been in there for years. And he let his gut instinct instruct him on what to do, sending it off without a second thought. 

**....**

Somehow it was all worse than he thought. Not only had Sazed accused him of being a thief, he had accused him of being simply a bad chef. Taako couldn’t bring himself to read the words of the traitor so he got Lup to do it and feed him the important parts of the story. According to the news, not had Taako stolen Sazed’s family recipes (and there was that image of his aunt's kitchen again) but Taako was using transmutation magic to make his food taste better. That wasn’t even how magic worked! It was so damn unfair he couldn’t breathe with it. All he could do was sit on his floor and let Lup make cakes in the nice kitchen he couldn’t bring himself to enter. 

His whole house smelled like soup and pound cake, like it had when they got sick as children. He wondered if the soup recipe was being called stolen. If that was another part of his life that the public had felt entitled to dissect and pick at in the wake of that interview. He knew Lup was calling him to the kitchen to taste something but he couldn’t bring himself to get up off of the floor. 

It had been a week and he wondered when it would start to hurt less. And when he could go out his house without the stares and the whispers. Not that he had gone out of his house, but when he did he didn’t want anyone looking at him, the cameras at the door were bad enough. There had been a story with a few photos of Lup on the second day and the comments were enough to make him want to follow in her footsteps and burn all he could to the ground. 

He was the older one, he should be able to look out for her. All he wanted to do was return to the time a week ago where he was just a TV chef who got famous by releasing one kind of goofy break up album. 

He was just so tired. 

The busy furnishing of his house, comforting a week ago, was now claustrophobic. He hated the shelves lined with books and the walls lined with pictures. So, in the first action he’d taken in a week, he peeled himself off the ground. Wandering round systematically he took down any picture that had been a public event and threw it to the ground. Soon the floor was a mess of wood and glass shards and a second too late he realised he’d cornered himself in his study, not wanting to walk through the sharp mess with unprotected feet. The pictures in the frames were likely unharmed, paper doesn’t exactly shatter but some were surely torn and that sent a small thrill through him. All of the cameras that had been pointed at him meant nothing anymore, so the records of them didn’t either. 

It was a minute before he realised his phone was still on the floor at his starting point, with a high likelihood of some substantial amount of accidental damage. 

“Lup!” He shouted her name, not sure how to intone she needed to come now but it also wasn’t like a Crisis crisis. “Bring shoes.” He wasn’t sure that would help, but at least it would mean her feet wouldn’t get cut up. He stared down at his own, pale with purple toenails painted by his darling sister in an attempt to cheer him up. It was already too late to protect them, he realised with some detachment, he could see a few places where shards must have deflected off him opening up little scratches across their tops. The small cuts started to sting as he stared at them and he wanted nothing more to slump back to the ground but he had made that an impossibility.

Soon she was standing in the doorway in her own thick soled boots. She looked at him so gently it made him feel six years old. A kid who was just in over his head, maybe that was all he’d ever be. The elf that never grew up. Left by the painter, then by his friends and surely one day by his sister. She should have been at school this week, doing smart girl shit not babysitting him. He was holding them all back, he was sure of it. 

It took awhile for him to get back to his phone and the now normal influx of notifications, but it seemed strange because they seemed far more positive all things considered. He clicked on one half-heartedly and scrolled back to the tweet it was replying to. He swallowed hard. 

“Hey, Lulu. Wanna see the weirdest shit in the world.” She approached and he wordlessly handed her his phone, so she too was staring at Kravitz’s Twitter account. (His very serious painter account, that contained no details of his actual life, not that Taako ever checked it.) He had quote tweeted one of the shittier headlines Taako had seen simply with the words  **yeah, this is absolute bullshit** and a photo Taako hadn’t seen in years. 

It was him and Krav laughing in the kitchen. Kravitz with his locs up in a high ponytail and his sketchbook laid out in front of him, the angle just concealing whatever it contained. And he was there as well in a boiler suit with his sleeves rolled up, stirring a pot of something on the stove. He almost remembered the day it was taken, but it could have been so many of them and time had blurred the memories edges. They were babies when the picture had been taken and his heart ached for all the love stored in it. 

At any other point in his career he would have been furious at Kravitz for offering the public that glimpse into his private life but it was the first nice thing anyone had said about him online since the story broke. He made the mistake of scrolling through the tweets underneath, something Merle had taught him not to do the very first day they started working together. To his surprise they were overwhelmingly positive, hundreds of comments with only a few insulting his skill and appearance made a nice change. Though his heart gave an all too familiar twist when he realised people commenting were saying they made a cute couple. They had once upon a time but that time was long gone. 

He and Lup had made quick work of the floors and he wished they were covered in mess once more. At least then he would have something to do that wasn’t thinking of his ex boyfriend and wallowing in the mess Sazed had made of his life. What the hell was Kravitz doing to him, first the interview and now this. Clearly this was just an attempt to kick him while he was down. Bastard. 

Nonetheless he went over to the pile of frames and carefully searched through until he found what he was looking for. It was a smaller frame and he had paused before throwing it, the scan now lying under cracked glass but otherwise in one piece. It was a copy of one of the small paintings Kraavitz had loved, done about a month before everything went down in tiny, painstaking detail. It was of the three of them arm in arm, not quite children but not quite adults. That one, he thought, might be worth reframing. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle has an idea. Lup gets what she wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have updated tags! the story is now gonna get into the main part!! After this I think the chapters are going to be a bit longer so they might take a bit longer to go up. 
> 
> thanks for reading, kudos and comments make my day :)

Merle Highchurch was good at his job. He managed a few different clients, few in the same fields, most from his hometown. It was a fun job and normally a relatively simple one. Unfortunately, it seemed like Taako and Kravitz were determined to give him a heart attack. 

First that fucking story had broken. He knew it was crap and the press should’ve as well but Sazed had clearly paid good money on the magic to make those papers. Then he’d gone to just the right paper. The Daily Sight had held some grudge against Taako since he turned down a Candlenights gig from them some three years ago. The editor was a piece of work for running the story without warning him first. He just wished he’d been able to tell Taako before it broke rather than in the horrible heavy moments after. 

Then there was the Kravitz thing. First the brief mention of Taako in that interview, which was nice then a damn tweet. How had Merle not known they’d been friends? This was the sort of thing you ran across your managers desk before plastering the whole thing across the internet. Idiots. It was like they were trying to cause him a heart attack. 

He stared at the picture again, it was a nice picture. They were nice boys and he wasn’t sure he’d seen either of them as happy as they were in that kitchen. He thought it must be a trick of the light but he could almost make out a tattoo on Kravitz’s arm like the one he would instantly recognize on Taako’s. 

An idea started to form in the back of his head. Not necessarily a great one, but Taako needed him to do something and at this point this was all he had. He was working on disproving Sazed’s story but that would take time and the young man needed him now. 

**....**

Three days had passed since the tweet and Lup had got more and more stressed in that time. Taako didn’t think the two things were related. He felt bad that Lup and Kraavitz had stopped talking when it all went down but not bad enough to tell her that it was fine if they did. He just kind of figured eventually one of them would rebuild that bridge but they never seemed to. He was pretty sure twitchy Lup was a separate thing anyway but he didn’t want to ask. She’d been cooking him soup for two weeks at this point, he could let the woman have her secrets. 

After his weird twitter display it had been all quiet from the Kravitz front and he found himself almost sad about it. It did something weird to his ego hearing the other man say nice things about him. Or even neutral things about him. His chest got tight but not in the horrible world ending way that it did when he thought about his career. 

He could always try and go back to writing music, he had been good enough at that to build a career once he was sure he could do it again. (He wasn’t even slightly sure and the thought of writing a song gave him a headache.) Every thought seemed to lead him back to Kravitz and it fucking sucked. He was a grown up now, he was meant to be past this. How pathetic was it to be a twenty five year old man obsessing over what his high school boyfriend was going to say about him on Fantasy Twitter. 

Merle had also been oddly quiet over the past few days. At first he had messaged Taako every few hours, asking if he could get food delivered to his house or book one of those anger rooms for him. Just trying to take any action to keep him sane before the story let up. But now after two weeks and no new news Taako was pretty sure he wouldn’t have a manager much longer. He liked Merle, they were friends. This was just gonna make everything several degrees worse. He only had a few people close to him, losing one now was gonna hurt worse than ever. 

Without his usual schedule of events and meetings, time passed so slowly. Normally he would have just made more food to try and fill the void left by work but he couldn’t step in that kitchen. The thought of even making a sandwich filled him with a strange fear and he thought he would throw up. The kitchen was supposed to be a safe place for him and that had been taken alongside his pride and his reputation. 

This was maybe worse than the break up, then he’d only spent three days away from the kitchen. Now it had become so much of a thing that Lup had started leaving pudding in his pockets when she thought he wasn’t looking. He added it to a list of things to talk to her about but didn’t know how to find the words for. 

His phone buzzed and he turned it over to see a message from Merle and tension formed in his gut. This had to be him being dropped. The text concerningly only read  **i’ve got an idea** but that was better than the alternative of going it alone. The world would not be nice to him in the immediate future and he was glad to know he had Merle at his side. 

**….okay**

**move in with kravitz**

Merle had hit his head and lost his fucking mind, move in with Kravitz what! And how! How do you move in with a man you haven't spoken to in forever because your friend and business associate thinks it might be a good one. **i never said it was a perfect one.** Not a perfect one was the understatement of the century. What the actual fuck had his life become. He saw three dots pop up and disappear a few times before Merle’s next message and he felt like he was holding his breath as he waited. If this was a joke it was a particularly mean one, he and Merle were gonna have to talk about this. 

**he released that picture of you two, pretend to move in the press will love it. you make a cute couple**

Taako felt like his brain was lagging, he simply couldn’t process the words that Merle was saying in that particular order. Suddenly he wished he had told Merle years ago who the album was about, lest it save him from this particular humiliation. He knew he had to type some response but what could he say to this new brand of nonsense the world was inflicting on him. 

What answer could he give that made him sound like he had considered it but also laid down the boundary of absolutely not. He thought of the video of that nice brownstone in New York, the kitchen had seemed nice and he knew from experience that Krav would spend all his time in the studio. How much would they actually have to engage anyway? He thought carefully before typing his response.

**he’ll never agree to this.**

**he already has!!**

Fuck. 

Once again he was left standing in his house, staring at his phone and wondering what on earth was going through Krav’s head. Three times in as many weeks was going for some sort of record. He missed the days when he understood every action that the man took, they used to be a team. He wished he’d just shot down the idea but now he felt weirdly obligated to do it. At least to see what the whole deal was that got Kravitz to agree to an intrusion on his space. 

In any other situation he knew he would not be going along with this but honestly his life was falling apart and he desperately wanted to leave the city. He hadn’t been to New York in years, not after it was clear Kravitz was staying there, the whole city made Taako think of him. He could finally explore it with permission. 

That did leave the problem of how to tell his doting sister how he was going to abandon her in the city he’d made her move to to go live with a man that probably (definitely) hated him. If everything had gone different she probably would be living in New York right now. She’d followed him when he was hurting and it wouldn’t be fair to ask her to do it a second time. She liked it in California, the open expanse of space made the constructive part of her brain buzz. He saw the way she looked at her projects. 

“Hey Lup, don’t be mad.” he could hear her clattering about in the kitchen with a little more force than was necessary. There was no way this news was going to go down well when she was already all stompy. He heard the sound of a tray being dumped on a countertop and she appeared in the doorway, silhouetted in the warm kitchen light. 

“So Merle had an idea but I’d have to move to New York.” The end of the sentence came out in a slurred rush and he figured he might as well lay it all out for her. “He wants me to move in with Krav so the news thinks we’re dating and Krav’s already agreed.” 

There were a few seconds of pause before her laughter shattered the silence. Soon she was laughing so hard that all that was keeping her up was the narrow door frame. He rarely saw her laugh like that and he felt giggles start to rise up in him as well. Objectively the whole thing was ridiculous. Even subjectively it felt like he was living in some sort of wild joke. Her face was hidden by her hair but the sound of her laugh had become rare in the past few weeks and he was happy to stay in the sound.

“Oh that’s better than anything I could have come up with.” She was lost to giggles for another second before continuing. “I also have to move to New York.” 

She dropped to the ground, with legs crossed, as the burden of supporting the weight of her laugh became too great. Her stomach had been in knots for a week only for her brother’s agent to tell him he was moving before she could share her news. Her boyfriend had brought the competition to her attention months ago and to be honest she’d forgotten about it. And then she got the news she was being commissioned to design a history museum in Manhattan during the worst time of her brother’s life. 

It had felt wrong to be happy or to get excited when he looked like he could barely breathe. With his news all that joy hit her at once and it almost knocked the wind out of her. And it would be nice to see Krav again, he had been her family for as long as he’d been Taako’s and it hurt that she had to pick a side. She’d almost messaged him after The Tweet but this was so much better. She got to do work she loved and meddle in her brother’s love life, that was basically the ideal. 

Taako was sure basically everything still sucked but it was nice to watch the sulk evaporate from Lup in real time. Like sure he was a mess but it was almost worth it to get her to smile like that. He picked up bits of the story from her place on the floor but he was sure she would give him more details when she could talk properly again. He vaguely remembered the competition she was talking about, he’d looked forward to placing the little people in the model. He was so proud of her, glad that his fuck ups weren’t derailing her entire career.  He pulled his phone out and fired off a quick text to Magnus, explaining the situation or something near it at least. He then opened the thread with Merle and said he’d do it, he may as well in a bid to follow his sister for once. And then with one grounding breath he pulled up Twitter and replied to the tweet from a week previously with a simple  **see you soon babe.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Architect! Lup is an idea I had that would not leave me alone and so now it's everyone's problem.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins arrive. Kravitz gets out the good wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have taken off the chapter total bc I'm not completely sure how many there will be but I will update it once I figure it out again! 
> 
> thanks for reading, kudos and comments make my day :)

Kravitz was a damn idiot for agreeing to this, not that he really had a choice. Merle was right, he owed him big time. Merle had been there for him for the past four years and he’d accepted that a decent amount of paintings would never be seen let alone sold. And he’d kept the Reaper thing away from the press which he was sure was not an easy task. And so Kravitz’s debt was somehow translated into inviting his ex boyfriend to live in his house, single bedroom be damned, with the hope that they could play nice for the press.

The twins were due to arrive at the airport any minute now and his hands were sweaty with anticipation. He pulled up that tweet again to stare at it some more. What could it mean? It did seem in line with the persona Taako put out to the media but he wished he would have had a little warning. A ‘so we’re doing this’ text before it was put into the world for everyone to have an opinion on. 

A little part of him was excited to see them for the first time since they were all nineteen. The idea of living with Taako made him feel a little sick but he had this new image of them all cooking in the shiny kitchen he didn’t know how to use. He had one of those magnetic wall knife things in tribute to the kitchen he grew up in and he wasn’t sure he’d ever taken a knife off of it for fear of losing a finger on the sharp chef's blade. 

The airport wasn’t particularly busy and he wondered if anyone would recognise him or the twins. It was a hazard of life in the public eye but one he was praying wouldn’t occur today. He had to assume that the last thing Taako needed was the opinion of a stranger in this situation. More likely the last thing Taako needed was him, the next few weeks would be interesting to say the least. 

He’d set up the couch in his studio and was planning on hiding there for at least a week, while Lup found an apartment. There was only room for one real bed in the brownstone and he was happy to give it up temporarily for the sake of the twins. Even through the years they were still his family, he still owed a large portion of the happy parts of his childhood to them. This was the least he could do. He just couldn’t think about Taako sleeping in his bed, regardless of the fact he wouldn’t be in it, without feeling mildly clammy. 

He caught sight of duplicate flashes of blonde hair and his heart started to hammer against his ribs. He shoved his hands in his pockets in a belated attempt to get them even the smallest amount warmer. It was definitely too late to run now. They would see him and that would be at best entirely mortifying. He couldn’t be embarrassed in front of them now, there was too much in the spaces between them for them to extend any more than vague familiarity. (He couldn’t help but think of the phase where Taako stacked his hands with rings that frequently got caught in his hair. It had never ceased to be embarrassing when Lup would detangle them.) This may have been the greatest mistake of his life. He probably still had time to flee the country. 

They walked with controlled slowness down the hall and he aimed to keep his feet planted. The urge to run away was replaced with the need to run towards them, steal back this piece of his past for himself. He wondered if they still used the same shampoo. Fuck. That was a completely normal thought to have about two adults who were essentially strangers. Except they weren’t and it was weird. 

Still as they got close he was relieved as Lup pulled him into a tight hug. He was taller than them both now, he noted, the final inches of height secured in his freshman year. The hug was tight enough it felt like his ribs were bowing, she never was on to do things by half measures. Her bag lay abandoned on the floor, wheels still spinning and by it stood Taako, looking somewhat lost. Kravitz took the liberty of extending out his hand, not expecting the blond man to take it. Tentatively Taako reached back out and was pulled into the fray. And for a while the three of them stood motionless, faces buried in each other's hair. 

Kravitz would never admit it but it felt like coming home. 

With a blush, he led them to the spot where their Uber would arrive, using as few words as possible. He didn’t want to assume they would be friendly, not when somewhere along the way something had gone missing between them. 

“You still can’t drive!” It was, of course, Lup who broke the silence, the humour he was used to threaded through her voice and he flushed deep red. He couldn’t look at Taako yet so he looked at her and her smile that was so much of his youth. Gods he had missed her. Even if this fake relationship blew up in his face, as he was sure it would, he hoped she would not walk back out of his life. Even though ostensibly she was laughing at him, he could sense some fondness behind it. 

“I live in New York! Why would I drive!” Kravitz was proud of how even his voice came out in the face of immense strangeness, regardless of his flushed face. This had been a point of contention since they were sixteen and he wasn’t going to budge on it now. “It’s bad for the planet and the subway exists!” He felt like a teenager again, adopting any excuse to justify an admittedly somewhat inconvenient fact. Back then he’d just been too poor, he was saving every penny he could for school. Now he truly didn’t see the point, who learns to drive in their twenties? 

Her laugh sparkled and his blush deepened. He would live in the sound if he could. If he got Taako to laugh as well it would be too much, his heart would simply still in his chest. A reaper stopped by the smallest amount of joy. 

He snuck a glance at the other man just in time to catch the hint of a smile on the edge of his lips as they climbed into the Uber. It wasn’t until the driver started to pull away from the curb that he realised they’d all sat in the back seat, much like the ten year olds they’d once been. He was pressed against one door with Taako against the other, Lup in the middle with a grin that said she’d been completely aware of what they were doing. It was considerably less comfortable now than it once had been, their awkward, adult bodies formed into one new unit. 

For a brief second he let himself hope that they would become TaakoLupandKravitz again. It had taken a long time, once he had been left behind, to get used to how short his name sounded on its own. In the brief journey with their knees knocking together in the backseat of a taxi he felt more complete than he had in five years. Like several band-aids had been stuck over various unhealed injuries. A band-aid was never going to fix it all, of course, but it was almost healing. He almost had his family back. 

Soon his brown stone was in sight and a wash of sadness came over him. Taako was out of the car as soon as it stoppd with Lup following after. He took a second longer, let himself breathe for a count of four. They hadn’t even really talked and he already knew that them leaving again would break him into something he couldn’t recover from. Then he steadied his face, he couldn’t let them know that. This was simply helping his agent to smoothe over a mess. He was doing this for Merle and Merle alone. He repeated it a few times as he approached his front door but he knew he could say it until the end of time and he wouldn't be any closer to believing it. 

His hands shook a little as he unlocked the door and he didn’t look back as he crossed the threshold. He had to trust they would still be there when he turned back around. The only way he knew they had followed him was the sound of the door latching and a soft intake of breath that he assumed came from Lup. He’d thought of her when he bought the place, wondered if it was up to the standards of her sharp architect's eyes. He was sure she would tell him soon if it was not. 

He turned to them and managed to catch a glamour melting off of Taako like an avalanche to a valley. The elf looked much the same once it was missing, his make up was gone and the bags under his eyes seemed a little deeper. His nose was not the straight, sharp thing it had been. It now looked like it had been broken, maybe more than once. Even without the glamour he was still the most beautiful thing Kravitz had ever seen and his heart stuttered at the unspoken gesture of trust. 

It took a second for Taako to meet his eyes and his face was tired when he did. In that single moment there could have been eighty years between them as soon as the five that had already passed. He could have stood there until the end of time if that meant he could keep Taako looking at him. 

(This was a favour for Merle.) 

He heard some shout come from further inside the house and he vaguely realised that Lup must have left the entryway at some point. He let himself indulge in the elfs stare for a second more, unable to bring himself to move. Before starting the process of unrooting himself from the carpet before Lup could set fire to his couch. 

(It had happened once. They were eleven and to this day she would swear it was an accident. Kravitz and Taako did not believe this even slightly.) 

**....**

Taako managed to break his eyes away from the tall man in front of him and moved to finish taking off his boots. He swore Kravitz used to be smaller, shorter and with less muscles. He would have remembered if his arms had looked like that. He fixed his eyes firmly to his laces, hoping that his weird staring wouldn’t have him kicked out straight away. His mouth had been dry as a bone since the plane had started to descend. There were no words for thank you and you hurt me and I think my sister missed you like she would her hands. 

His own hands moved slowly as he waited for Kravitz to turn to investigate the shouting that was coming from Lup’s direction. He turned like he was stood in treacle. Once he started moving he sped up quickly, clearly remembering the dangers of leaving her with full unsupervised access to his space. 

He let himself recover on the floor for a brief pause, resisting the urge to just collapse into the soft carpet and wait for moss to grow over him. He hadn’t meant to let the glamour fall but he was running low on magic these days. Turns out refilling spell slots required regular sleep and more than one meal a day. He hadn’t even got to warn Kravitz that it was falling, he’d just stood there as it had. He’d felt naked under the familiar closeness of his gaze, exposed and underprepared. 

He just had to remind himself that this was the man who had broken his heart. His feelings on Taako had been made clear a long time ago. If they had ever changed there had been plenty of time to reach out. This would be rough to begin with but it wouldn’t be forever. He would spend a month here and then he would move to Lup’s and by then the press would have started to forget he ever existed. He could fade into a career of restaurant work if he needed, and live out his life in a small, self-contained bubble. 

He heard Lup shout his name and he stood, walked down the corridor. The Architectural Digest video played on a loop in his head as he tried to remap the reality of the space to the video he’d watched again and again on the small screen of his phone. The ceiling felt lower but the air felt lighter than the video conveyed. He kept up his game of spot the difference, anything to keep his mind off the act of putting one foot in front of the other as he made his way to his family. 

There would be a moment, in the future, where this would disintegrate like ash in his hands and he would be left without any of the things that had kept him going. But that moment seemed so far away as he tried to locate the kitchen from his half known map. It took him a few tries to find, the first door had been a bathroom, the second a set of stairs he assumed would lead down to the studio. The third led him into the well-equipped kitchen. It was cosier in person, though that may have been due to the presence of Lup who was waving an incredibly sharp looking knife through the air.

He hadn’t been in a kitchen since the story and all the air left his lungs as he went to sit at the counter. It took every ounce of self control for him to keep his breathing even as his vision tunneled out in front of him. At once Krav and Lup turned to him and smiled and the pressure on his ribs dispelled as quickly as it had appeared. 

He wanted to let himself get used to this more than anything else in the world. 

**....**

Lup was laughing and the sound made the air in the room softer and warmer. It was nice for her to have an adoring audience. Her leaving them in the entryway had been a deliberate act, they needed to see each other. Not just look, but to see and to process. This wasn’t going to be simple but that was where they needed to start. They didn’t trust each other but they trusted her and that was not a responsibility she took lightly. 

Kravitz looked smaller than the boy she had grown up with, the duty of growing up had landed heavily on him. But his laugh hadn’t changed. He laughed with his whole body, like even the smallest joke was the funniest thing in the world. She had missed the sound and knew that while Taako would never admit it he had too. One day she would unravel the mess they had made of each other, if not for them then for herself. They were disrupting her history too, with the silence that stretched between them. 

Cooking in this too shiny kitchen was the easiest thing in the world. The knives were all in perfect order on the wall and there was every pan she could need neatly stacked in the cupboard. All of the utensils felt new, and she felt a little bad that though they had taught Kravitz to love the kitchen they hadn’t taught him how to love cooking. This fear was confirmed by his almost empty fridge and the sparse selections of seasonings but she would make the best of it. This meal had to be good enough to prove to them that they knew how to be together. 

Her knife moved with practiced ease and she cracked jokes as she worked, coaxing smiles out of the two men. Taako had looked like he was going to faint as he sat across from her but the look passed and some tension slipped from her spine. She had got him in the kitchen too, for the first time she was sure her brother would be able to recover from Sazed. 

**....**

It was the best meal Kravitz had eaten in maybe years, waves of nostalgia rolling through him as they ate. He had got one of the good bottles of wine out from the rack. At least he thought it was one of the good ones, though he’d never admit it to the twins they all looked and tasted incredibly similar to him. At that Lup had smiled, involuntarily clapping her hands in almost childlike glee. Her smile grew out from her and buried its way into the two men, until he found he and Taako were smiling as well. It was impossible to deny her happiness when given the chance. 

He wasn’t sure how she had made good food with what was in his kitchen. His fridge had been mostly bare on their arrival, he’d planned to order in. It wasn’t that he didn’t have time for grocery shopping, he just hated it. So instead he ate a lot of Indian food from the delivery place down the street. The comfort of home cooked food made him want to weep. 

(He decided early on it was the food and not the presence of people who were once his closest friends.) 

The good wine was swiftly drunk and replaced with what he was sure he should think of as the bad wine. It was the cheap kind from the bodega and he had drunk bottles far more expensive that were so much worse. From the speed with which Lup drank hers he was sure she agreed. Taako didn’t seem to, he had drunk two glasses of the good kind at an appropriate pace for an adult but he didn’t drink any of the new bottle. He had seemed to relax a little since arriving though, and Kravitz was getting used to his new face. It made him look distinguished. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had got drunk, a giggly feeling sinking to the ends of his limbs as the wine continued to affect him. All thoughts of doing this for Merle had fallen from his head the minute they were all in his kitchen, something he absolutely should have predicted. He couldn’t just be in a kitchen with them, and his wine soaked brain couldn’t seem to place why that was a problem. 

The evening slipped past them and all too soon he was leading the elves up to what was technically his room. He wished he could sleep there as well, his bed was big enough for the three of them if they all pressed up together like they had when they were seven. Fuck. He would have slept on the floor just to be close to them. He would tear his heart from his chest for them if that was what it took for him not to be shut out this time. He had been in love with Taako his whole childhood but he had loved Lup like a sister for just as long. It hurt to have all that history so close, but still ever so slightly out of reach. 

They disappeared up the stairs and he fell down into his studio, tipsy drunkenness teetering over the line into heavy limbs and a head filled with cotton. He didn’t want to sleep so he painted instead. The process soothed him and soon he fell into what he was calling his bed. Next to him lay a canvas, preserving the moment the glamour fell, so he could keep that moment of trust when it all started to ache too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz definitely doesn't smell their hair at the airport but if he did (which he didn't) he would find Taako's hair does smell like strawberries just like it did when they were kids.
> 
> Picture Lup saying you still can't drive in exactly the same way she says 'you're dating the grim reaper' they are equally ridiculous to her. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys play nice for the cameras.

Kravitz had moved to West Virginia when he was five. His parents had got in a car and driven him away from the city and he’d stared out of the back window as all he’d ever known got smaller behind them. The new house was bigger than their apartment had been but it was colder. He watched as the space grew between his parents like the space between him and his home. Until, almost six months to the day after they moved, his dad left and never returned. 

The house felt even colder after that. 

He and his mom tried their best, but he knew it was hard for her. So he tried to be the best he could, lest one day she just walked out too. Then he would have to learn to use the stove and paint the walls on his own. He longed for the day that he could return to the city and build himself a warm place. 

He didn’t notice the house next door straight away, in his six year old mind the strip of street between them may as well have been a mile. The twins noticed him the day he moved in, the tiny boy with dark curls that haloed round his face. Lup wanted to go see him right away but Taako, always the more cautious of the two, knew that if they ran into him full speed it would scare him off. That was the way it worked, Lup did and he held back. 

They met him on a Tuesday in the minutes before a storm. The sky was heavy in preparation and they were running up and down the asphalt waiting for the clouds to break. Kravitz came out and sat on his porch, trying not to stare at the two children, loud as they were. They tried no to stare back. Eventually the first drops of rain fell and it was Taako that acted. He ran to the edge of the other boys garden and held out one hand, an open invitation. 

Kravitz had been so nervous that day, he was not particularly good at being a child. But he untucked his legs and stepped into the grass of his yard with bare feet. He knew he would regret it when he couldn’t get warm that evening but it couldn’t be more important than the feel of the rain on his face. So he ran with them and that was the beginning, his cold hands in their warm ones and the smell of rain in their hair. 

**....**

The worst part of the break up had been the dreams. In them he was six or twelve or fourteen and he was right back in his body like he was living those memories for the first time. It hurt so much that almost every night he woke up weeping. He hadn’t had one in years so it was uncomfortable to wake up on a couch when he was sure he should be feeling rain. The dream was less painful now, more uncomfortable, like a remnant of a life he thought had left him behind. Time had made it clear that he had only been a temporary fixture in the twins' life, they didn’t need him when they had each other. 

He was surprised when he moved to rub his eyes to find his face wet, for a second he was right back in the storm pulled along by a small elf boy who had yet to grow into his ears. So maybe it hadn’t quite stopped hurting yet, but that was for him alone to carry. 

Joints creaking as he rolled off the couch, he felt the effects of the previous night’s wine. He needed water and toast and not to be in a studio that was full of pictures of Taako. He made his way up the stairs, almost turning on his heel when he heard voices in his kitchen. He had of course forgotten that there was a high chance there would be actual Taako in his kitchen. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. Better, he thought, this way he couldn’t be caught up only in the way he saw him but in the actual solid person. That was at least the less pitiful of his options. 

His house seemed brighter with other people in it. He didn’t think he had been lonely before they arrived, but now he knew he was. He had Merle and a few other friends but he spent most of his time painting alone. Most people didn’t take kindly to Reapers, even those that had left the family job at nineteen to go it alone. It was nice to walk up the steps and know that there would be people on the other side of the door. That this wouldn’t be a week where he didn’t see another soul. 

“Stop lurking by the door!” It surprised him to hear the shout come from Taako, the night before he had seemed too tired to talk let alone yell. But clearly his approach had been noticed so he slipped through the door into a room that smelt like pancakes. The table had been set and there were grocery bags on the counter behind Lup. He realised with a glance towards his watch that it was actually mid afternoon, the nights leading to the twins arrival had not been restful for him. Belatedly he thought he should text Merle to let him know no one had committed a murder yet. 

“We made you pancakes. But they got cold so we ate them.” Lup grinned and Taako rolled his eyes.

“She made pancakes and then she ate them.” They briefly fell into their normal rhythm of banter. 

“I also went grocery shopping so you can’t be mad.” Kravitz was not awake enough to argue, especially not while verging on hungover. He didn’t understand why they thought he’d be expected to be involved in breakfast. He hopes the dream hadn’t left his face obviously teary. 

Silently Taako handed him coffee in his favourite mug, one that had travelled with him from Virginia. It was a one Taako had made for him at the Chug’n’Squeeze and he would have been embarrassed they now knew he kept it if he wasn’t so grateful. 

The elf was in a short sleeved tunic with some complex system of lacing at the top that was loosely tucked into a pair of sweatpants. His hair was long again, tied in a messy bun on top of his head. He looked good, he thought distractedly as he sipped his coffee. A full night's rest suited him. The points of his ears started to blush and Kravitz realised he must have been staring and looked away with a start.

He sat at the table, mug gripped tight in his hands. Lup started to talk again. 

“So I start work tomorrow boys, don’t kill each other while I’m away.” He laughed, starting to get used to the idea of the three of them living together. He could buy another bed, that was reasonable. This was a normal reaction to two people who abandoned him after they showed him any small amount of affection. He didn’t feel the same clammy sickness he had before their arrival, his worry was no longer whether they could coexist. It was now that maybe he had not grown up as much as thought, he had fallen right back into grasping whatever hand they would offer out to him. 

He just hoped that that night when he fell asleep he would see anything other than Taako’s face. 

**....**

Taako couldn’t get a clear read on Kravitz. The man seemed entirely, unflinchingly earnest with no motive other than misplaced loyalty for allowing them into his home. He’d expected to sleep on a couch for a week or two then move in with Lup and leave this whole weird situation behind him. He had not expected to be led up to the man’s bedroom to sleep in sheets that smelt like his shampoo. 

The bed was nice, the sheets softened from many washes. He had wrapped himself around his sister and slept well for the first night in weeks. There had of course been a dream. He dreamt of the first storm, the day Kravitz went from stranger to family. He wished it could be that simple once again, that an outstretched hand could solve all the mess between them. It had been stupid to think that they would be the same people, or maybe it had been stupid to think they would be different. He couldn’t be sure. 

He woke from the storm early but it had been easy to fall back asleep. The second time he woke it was to the smell of breakfast. Lup’s side of the bed was cold, so he dressed quickly so he could join her. There were groceries on every surface and he raised an eyebrow. 

“Don’t worry you paid for them.” 

“You’re an ass.” The weight was taken from his words by her gesturing to the coffee pot and the pile of pancakes already on the table. “Should we go get Krav?” 

They both paused to consider it, but neither wanted to intrude on his studio. The place they knew contained his beating heart. Some things should stay private. 

Taako felt bad when Lup ate the pancakes before Kravitz came up the steps but he didn’t have it in him to wake the other man. He didn’t look like he’d been sleeping much either. They heard his eventual waking and his pause on the steps, the walls of the brownstone surprisingly thin. 

The easy peace of the morning was slightly cracked by Taako’s shout as the twins remembered that they were intruders in the kitchen. It would have been split entirely if they weren’t intruders who had provided coffee and the fancy kind of brown bread that Kravitz preferred. His face was slightly puffy and he looked a little lost. He stared at them like he’d never seen them before. 

As penance Taako got up to make the man coffee. It had been rude of them not to get him, they were unwanted guests, no longer family. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw that Kravitz had kept a lumpy old mug he’d made at the pottery place. He was no closer to understanding the man and his chest still ached when he thought of those last months but maybe this was a sign they were more wanted than he had thought.

He sat back at the table, vaguely aware that he was blushing. It shouldn’t have been this hard to understand his feelings. His insides were just a mess with the death of his career and then all this. The domesticity of the three of them in a kitchen, a type of safety he hadn’t felt in years. He loved Lup more than life itself but there was a difference between that and the feeling of being loved by someone who had chosen him. He missed that feeling.

He tried very hard not to look at the narrow strip of skin where Kravitz’s shirt had ridden up as Lup talked at them. She was saying things he already knew so he suspected that she too had come to the realisation that they should be including Kravitz in their plans. They were, after all, sleeping in his bed and cluttering up his kitchen. 

He almost dreaded her going to work, because then he would have to fill his own days. She was so excited for the museum project though and that enthusiasm was entirely contagious. He was so goddamned proud of her and glad to have followed her, trying to pay no mind to the itching worry that, much like Kravitz had, she was outgrowing him too. 

That first full day passed quickly, aided by how late they had woken up. They ate pancakes and then he went to hide in the bedroom and Kravitz went to hide in the studio. Lup sat in the kitchen sending scary emails, filled with jargon. She also texted Merle that it was going okay because it seemed, from the panicked messages he had sent her, that no one else had thought to. She just wanted to shout at them both, that maybe if they freaking talked to each other they could figure something out and they wouldn’t have to run away to seperate rooms to prevent her leaving them alone together. 

They were so dumb but they were still her family and she just wanted them to be okay. 

**....**

The house felt empty without Lup. It was strange, Kravitz had lived alone since he was twenty but this was the first time his house had felt cold to him. He wanted to follow Taako round, bring him into the studio, stick together so they weren’t alone anymore. He wondered if Taako had felt alone in California. Probably not, he was sure the elf had a whole glittering network of friends. A life in L.A seemed far more glamorous than his own, which now felt small and ill fitting under the scrutiny of people who really knew him. 

His phone buzzed breaking the uneasy silence of his studio. He didn’t want to check it, he wanted to mope and stare at another painting of Taako. These were the things he was good at, he should be allowed to complete them in peace. It buzzed again. 

The notification was a group chat called dream team with several heart emojis, which narrowed its creator down to Merle or Lup. 

**taako: ?????**

**merle: for this to work you two have to actually go outside**

Three dots flickered on and off, he assumed Taako was trying to respond. He was meant to be making the blonde’s life easier so he took it into his own hands.

**We were planning too. Fancy a coffee, love?**

He threw in the pet name mostly in an attempt to appease Merle, though he would have been lying if he said it wasn’t also to get a rise out of his date. He knew that it had used to make him blush pink through his chest to the tips of his ears, a cute flustered expression on his face. The man was only a flight of stairs away, but it felt like miles. 

Details were confirmed in the chat and Kravitz swallowed hard. He had not entirely thought through the consequences of that statement. He would now have to follow through and take someone, who was maybe the love of his life, on a date for the first time since they were nineteen. Not only that but he was still angry at him and also somewhat horribly alone in the life he had built. He should never have let Merle talk him into any of this. He had been better on his own, at least then he hadn’t known what he was missing. 

His breath started coming quicker and he stared at his phone. He didn’t know how to do any of this. His vision narrowed to the glowing rectangle, staring intently at the messages. This was stupid. He was so fucking stupid. 

He was so caught up in his head he didn’t hear the echo of footsteps on the stairs. He was shaken from his panic by strong hands on his shoulders and Kravitz found himself looking straight into Taako’s new face. 

“Breathe in, two, three, four.” 

Taako pulled one of his hands from his phone and placed it on his own chest and he understood the unspoken instruction of follow me. This was the first time someone had seen him like this since he left but it wasn’t the first time the two of them had done this. He breathed out in time with the elf and started to feel a little more solid. 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want. It can wait.” His voice was unimaginably soft and the Reaper wanted to weep. Wanted to pour out his heart and hope Taako would take it back. The elf’s shirt was soft where his fingers had tangled into it but he could feel the hard muscle underneath. All he wanted to do was kiss him, didn’t he deserve a little softness. 

He mirrored one more shaky breath before removing his hand, scared of what he would say if they stayed in contact. He took one more, hoping his voice would come out steady.

“No, I’m good, I could do with some sun anyway. Just let me change into something nicer.” His voice sounded strained even to his own ears and he was sure he looked a mess. A clean shirt would help though, and changing would give him a chance to hide away and scrub the panic from his face. 

**....**

  
  


Taako was disappointed to see when Kravitz came back down stairs he was in one of his sharp button ups instead of the paint stained undershirt he had been wearing before. But he was glad the man no longer looked like he was going to vomit everywhere or melt right through the floor. When the man hadn’t come up the stairs as promised, he had knocked on the studio door. And when he’d got no reply he’d gone down, thankful most of the paintings had been covered, and then they’d fallen into a familiar pattern. This was a part of Kravitz he could still be useful to. 

He had been surprised, in amongst it all, to see the familiar tattoo still on his arm. He’d heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that Krav had got it covered. The thought had made him sick at the time. He wanted to trace his fingers over the lines to check it was real, not just wishful thinking. The shirt he was wearing now was black and looked expensive, but more importantly it was buttoned tightly at the wrist. The tattoo had disappeared once again, shitty bleeding ink didn’t fit the image of the sensible professional.

Save for the trip to New York, this was the first time he had left the house since the story broke and the knowledge the press would be there sat heavy in his stomach. He still wasn’t even sure he wanted to return to a career in the public eye, maybe this whole ruse was to save something he didn’t even want anymore. He slipped back into his glamour and tried not to notice the confusion in Kravitz’s eyes. 

As they left the front door he accepted a moment of selfishness and reached for his pretend partner's hand. Kravitz took his without thought and squeezed gently, just like he always had. His nerves settled just a little and he pulled his hand back, if he held on for too long he didn’t think he’d be able to let go. So many things had changed about them in the times between then and now, but his hands felt exactly the same. 

The walk to the coffee shop was short but pleasant nonetheless, Taako had missed the feeling of sun on his skin. The silence between them was more comfortable than he had expected was possible. It was Kravitz who spotted the cameras first. When Merle would ask later why they were holding hands in the photos they would tell him it was purely to sell the act, but really Taako needed the reassurance. They pictures looked good, he would say, so why did it matter?

The queue for the store was long, as Kravitz assured him they always were in this neighbourhood. He found himself hip to hip with the taller man, it was a nice feeling having someone at his side. The flutter of his chest was purely the nerves of being in front of the cameras and had nothing to do with Kravitz turning to look at him from under his eyelashes. His dark eyes sparkled. Before he even said anything Taako knew he had an idea that he might not like.

“Do you trust me?” His voice was low and smooth. Taako had to lean in to hear him under the sounds of the street. 

“Of course.” The response was out of his mouth before he could even think. He could say a lot of things about how he felt about Kravitz but he had always trusted him, that had never been the issue. The issue was that the artist hadn’t loved him, that was something that no amount of trust could fix. 

The words were barely out of his mouth before Kravitz set his shoulders and kissed him. His ears pinned back against his head and he was sure he was pink all the way down to his feet. It was barely more than a press of lips but his whole body was on fire. He was back to confusion, they were so far from the anxious man in the studio. But if there was one thing Taako could do it was play nice for the cameras.

Before the other man could fully move out of his space, Taako reached up and pressed his mouth to Kravitz’s, hand flying to the back of the other man’s neck. If the previous kiss had been a small contained thing, this one was wild and explosive. It was six years of feelings barely concealed. He was vaguely aware of a hand pulling him in by the small of his back but he was solely focussed on the feeling of Kravitz’s mouth, soft under his. 

It could have been seconds or years before they pulled apart but all too soon they did, leaving him flushed and breathless as the barista called them to the counter. Shit. Well at least they must have got some good pictures for Merle. He kept his eyes firmly forward while they ordered, not daring to look at the man he’d just kissed. He may have to die of embarrassment when Lup saw those photos. She was never going to let him live this down. One barely there kiss had been all it took for him to play his hand. 

Fuck. 

The worst part was it had been good, no one else had ever kissed him like.

They held hands just as long as the cameras could see them but once they were past Taako released the grip he had on the other man like it was burning him. They didn’t even look at each other in the brief walk. How could he when he was sure every thought he had was laid out like the mess that he was? The silence stung, when it had finally seemed like they could be friends. 

He risked a glance at Kravitz in the entryway of the house, only to find him staring straight back. The contact suspended in the air between them. Taako was now certain he had never moved on, as stupid as it was. A single word and he would forgive it all, wipe the slate between them clean. Instead he watched panic fly across the man’s face as he turned and ran. 

It wasn’t until Taako heard him on the stairs of the studio that he dropped his glamour and let himself cry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -A Small Note on Istus-  
> Somewhere on the Astral Plane the lady Istus sighs as two lovers turned strangers wake from twin dreams.  
> She drops a few stitches of the endless fabric in her hands, reknitting the cable in new twists, knowing the choices they will make. She sighs for time that could be saved but smiles, with some idea of what is to come. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako makes a sandwich. The boys find a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the break, life stuff got in the way. But the boys are back and dumber than ever! 
> 
> thanks for reading, kudos and comments make my day :)

He was right, Lup had laughed when she had seen pictures. They were good photos, his hair blowing gently in the breeze and Kravitz’s arm tight around his waist. He could almost hear Merle’s congratulatory shout from half a country away. They made a deeply attractive pair so it was a shame he could no longer look at the man. 

There would be no more photos like that because he had liked it too much. He wanted so much more than he could have and even in this quick moment of images it was written all over him from the way his ears had relaxed to the boneless way he looked in Kravitz’s arms. He was just thankful that after they had turned their backs to the cameras so there wasn’t a documented record of the dumbstruck look he was sure he had had on his face. 

Taako wished he could be as relaxed about it as Kravitz seemed. The man hadn’t mentioned it when he came out of his studio for the dinner Lup cooked. Hadn’t said anything when they were on the front page of every gossip blog. The other man had been unaffected and really that was all he needed to know. Kravitz was officially over him, no matter what the kiss had made him think. So he needed to move on too, because otherwise this would be too impossibly hard. 

**....**

Four days after Kravitz ended it over the phone Taako shaved his head. No, that wasn’t how it had happened. Step one had been crying and that had begun even before the phone call. He was so tired, he just wanted his best friend back. All Kravitz had to do was ask and he would have been on the first plane to the city, the shine of a life in California taken off by the distance between them. 

Step two had been the phone call. His heart had stilled as he saw Kravitz face on the caller ID. This was the call where one of them would run cross country, he knew it. All he needed was to see him again, and then it would all be alright. Of course that wasn’t how it had gone. Kravitz had sounded wrecked on the other end of the line, his voice little more than a shred. It was clear he had been in step one as well, the thought would have bonded them if either had stopped to think on it. 

(He had not asked Taako to get on a plane. He definitely did not volunteer to himself.)

That had been the last time they had talked, and Taako had said some not so nice things. Mostly in pursuit of resisting yelling what he really felt. In another life he had simply yelled I don’t know how to be a person without you down the phone, maybe in that world they didn't end, tear soaked and tired, a country apart. 

If there had been a step three, he didn’t remember it. The next four days had passed in a blur. He thought he had gone to class but he wasn’t sure. He was pretty sure he had cried on Magnus, a thought that became unimaginably embarrassing later. Especially when he remembered cry-yelling that Magnus wouldn’t understand because he had Julia. They were not yet close enough for that to be a forgivable act, but for some reason Magnus had and he had always been grateful for that. Step three was his favourite, because after it had happened he didn’t have to feel it anymore.

Step four had been shaving his head. Lup said he had looked good but Lup was a dirty liar. He looked like a mess with a shaved head. Or maybe it hadn’t been the bald thing, more that he had actually been a mess but that wasn’t even slightly the point. 

The steps for Kravitz had been a little different. Step one and two were very similar, though tinged with a different type of hurt. His was a sharp pain of mistrust in his gut that he couldn’t quite place. Taako was living the life he had always deserved and it was evident that he was not a part of it. Time had taken them down separate paths, he decided. When he was older the twins would be little but a fond memory that he told his kids, simply the people that had made him the person that he was. He knew Lup would choose her brother, and that regret made him cry a little harder in the days where he prepared himself to lose them both. 

For him stage three and all after that had been painting. More specifically, it had been painting Taako. The point of his nose and the slope of his shoulders and his soft morning blush. Some of the paintings he kept and some he had torn from his sketchbooks and cut into tiny pieces. He had tried to paint over a few and those had hurt the most, like he was erasing all his history. The twins were tangled into his body like his nerves and one by one he had to try and pull them out. And it had hurt and he had tried to tell himself he was better and stronger for it. No one believed him, least of all himself. 

**....**

He had never dreamt of the phone call before and, Kravitz thought, it sucked even more than it had when it had happened. Because then he was just a kid losing his family, but now he was an adult and they would have been in reach if he hadn't fucked it all up. Taako didn’t even look at him anymore, he was so dumb and more lonely than ever. The perfect family he had always dreamed of would always be one step away from him and he would never be able to take that leap of faith. 

He hadn’t known what came over him, had just seen a chance. He thought maybe if Taako kissed him then he would feel every ounce of love that Kravitz still had for him. That wouldn’t have fixed the end but they might have been able to build something new from it. He had woken up crying again and he let himself fall into it, trying to muffle his cries into the pillow knowing full well how thin the walls were. 

What if he never found someone that kissed him the way Taako kissed him? He didn’t want to kiss anyone who didn’t fit so perfectly against him. The elf’s lips had been a little chapped and his hair had blown in Kravitz’s face and it had still been his best kiss since their last. The pictures had come out perfect, a beautiful vision of the complete failure of his common sense. 

So all he could do was cry, just like he had that night on the phone when he had realised all he was doing was holding the elf back. He just didn’t know what to do anymore, he didn’t have the words to tell the man. And why would he have listened anyway, it was clear by the time they ended that he was no longer someone Taako wanted. He had had new friends, new people to kiss before pulling them into a rain storm. 

For the first morning of their stay, he was up at the same time as Lup, any chance of sleep ruined by how awful he felt. She was clearly less of a wreck than the two of them. Everyday she rose early enough in the morning that she was gone before either of the boys had even considered waking up. She was the only one of them with a proper grown up job, that would never have been how they saw it going when they were kids.

He made himself a coffee as she made her packed lunch. 

“Hey Lulu,” he couldn’t look at her but the nickname fell from his lips as if it were the easiest thing he’d ever said “I’m proud of you. You’re gonna be amazing.”

Kravitz was embarrassed as he said it. The last thing Lup needed was praise or reassurance from him, she was better than the both of them. He needed to say it nonetheless. She was designing a museum for gods’ sake, she was incredible. 

He was surprised as she pulled him into a tight hug, some of his coffee spilling onto the kitchen tiles. She was so warm and he tried his best to hug her back while preserving the rest of his drink. It took a second for them to let go of each other, a broken thread weaving itself back together. 

When she did she didn’t let go of him entirely, her hands stayed firm on his shoulders. 

“I missed you too, Krav-” She cut herself off and he could tell she was almost crying, an entirely rare sight and he hated himself for doing this to her. Six years of unsent messages filled the air between them and he wanted to throw himself to her feet, beg for forgiveness. “He’s my brother, I- please just sort your shit okay. I don’t want to lose you again but I’ll always choose him.”

Tears filled his eyes as well this time. Delicately, he moved to place his mug on the counter before pulling her back into a hug. It was the first time he had pulled her in since before they had moved away and it was the most natural thing he could do. Lup would always be his damn family, she had all the bravery and all the brains of the three of them. He would have spent his childhood lost without her. They were both crying a little and he would have done anything to make her feel better. Her affection was more than he deserved. 

This time when she pulled back, she did so fully. He watched the all too familiar process of the twins, a mask falling back into place with a flick of hair and the setting of their shoulders. It was exactly like watching Taako’s glamour fall into place, only without the actual magic. 

She smiled at him, genuine as ever. “I’m moving out on Sunday, try not to ruin each other’s lives once I’m gone.” 

She said it like a joke but he felt the barb in it, not that she had been subtle. He wished he could explain to her all the love he had but couldn’t verbalise. He didn’t know what place there was for it in their new lives. Would Taako even want it anymore? When even with the news at his throat, he could have anyone he wanted.

She was out of the door before he could even try to explain any of it to her. That was probably for the best, they were rebuilding the bond between them but it probably wasn’t yet strong enough to bear the weight of all of his fears. For a while all he could do was stand there, long past the point where his coffee got cold. He heard Taako start to stir in the room above him so he decided to make his retreat to the studio. He could hope there would be time for him to start to fix things but it wasn’t a job for today, when his dreams had left him wrung out and weak.

**....**

Taako woke up and his first thought was to check his hair was still there. That he wasn’t a scared nineteen year old who had dreamed up an entire life for himself. He was relieved to find it was, though it was tangled from a night of tossing and turning. Of course this wasn’t the dream, at nineteen he had only dreamt of lives where he and Kravitz were happy. 

He checked the time. He had missed Lup again, she had always been the early riser of the two. She said the morning air was better for thinking, but he didn’t believe her. All mornings were good for was sleeping and drinking hot, sweet tea. Still he missed the amount of time he had with her in the weeks before moving here and he resolved to start getting up earlier in the few days he had before she moved out. 

He got into the shower, hoping to clear his head. The process of combing and conditioning his hair always seemed to help calm his thoughts at least. When Lup left he would need to start cooking again, he could tell from the state of the kitchen that Kravitz wouldn’t be. All of the knives but one had clearly never been used, and he didn’t see the point in living off take out when he could cook. He couldn’t let one bullshit story take that from him. The kitchen had always been where he was the best of himself. And he would need to be at his best to get over Kravitz a second time. 

He ended the shower with fresh resolve, he was going to make something today. 

First he thought soup. Soup was easy; he could make soup in his sleep. But then he thought of his set kitchen and Sazed standing at his side making in depth notes and the withered. Soup was off the cards, he couldn’t do anything that had been taken from him. It would be too much too soon. 

Then he thought eggs, but he was sure they’d just taste like ash in his mouth. He wasn’t sure he could cook anymore. The bond he had with his kitchen knife had snapped like frayed thread and he didn’t know how to fix it. This was the worst part of it all, Sazed had taken his home from him. The one place where he could just be Taako, where people saw him as he was and loved him for it. 

But he had decided to make something and he was going to do it if it killed him. 

He went and stood in the centre of the kitchen. Lup had left her usual note on the kitchen counter, some nice thing in her scrawled handwriting. There was no sign of Kravitz, Taako thought the other man must have been hiding from him. The kiss had really messed them up, at least before there had been a chance they could move into friendship but he had ruined it. He wanted Kravitz to come sit at the counter so he could make something, it would help him. It wasn’t the cooking, it was cooking alone that was stressing him out. 

He didn’t want to ask but he thought maybe things would be easier if he did. Maybe he could look at Kravitz as he cooked and get it into his head that the man didn’t love him anymore. He went back to the bedroom to check his hair was drying in a cute way and put on a nicer shirt. He went for a soft blue sweater that he knew fell off his shoulder in a cute way. He put on a little makeup for the first time in a while, painting on skin rather than a glamour creating a whole new image. 

He set his shoulders, he was multidimensional goddamnit. He could ask his ex boyfriend to watch him make lunch. He only chickened out a litte, sending **come to the kitchen** through text. He wasn’t being a coward, he was being considerate. This was just him respecting the sanctity of the studio space and Lup wasn’t there to argue otherwise. When he told her about his day he just wouldn’t include that part. 

When he got back down the stairs, Kravitz was already in the kitchen, with his laptop out on the counter. He sat as still as ever, his eyes intent on the screen. He barely reacted to Taako entering the kitchen and the elf was relieved. He didn’t have the energy to explain. 

“So,” he started before he could chicken out any further “What do you want for lunch?” His voice was high in his ears, he winced hoping the man wouldn’t catch on. 

He watched a furrow form between the painters' eyebrows. “You don’t have to make me lunch Taako.” 

“That's not-” He sighed of course he wouldn’t make it easy. “I am going to make sandwiches, is that okay with you?” 

Kravitz blushed and he tried not to notice it. 

“Yes, of course.” His voice was quiet in the open space. Taako almost felt bad for snapping, not quite though. He thought he deserved a little rage, a little pride. 

He set about the task of making lunch, pulling out the fancy bread along with some ham and tomatoes. He wasn’t quite sure what else he wanted so he dumped a whole mess of ingredients on the counter, he would make something good. He always had. He found the cutting board by the sink and took his pick of the sharp knives on the wall, avoiding the one's Lup had already used. He wanted a knife with nothing attached to it, he and this knife would make a fresh start together, embarking on a new culinary adventure. 

Quickly, he got into the rhythm of the work and in what felt like no time at all he had what felt like two perfect sandwiches. He placed one by Kravitz’s computer and, as he expected, the man was entirely startled by it, completely lost in his work. He stared at it for a second, like he had never seen a sandwich before and Taako smothered the urge to laugh. The accomplished artist brought down by some bread and meat. If he thought about it for a second too long though, that laughter transformed to an itching sadness, that Kravitz was so foreign to even the most basic of kind gestures. At least after everything he had had Lup, he hoped that somewhere in the city there was someone for Kravitz to cry on. 

They ate in a companionable silence. The sandwiches were not his best work, but it had been almost a month since he last stepped in the kitchen. It did not matter that they weren’t his best, at least they had been work. Kravitz hadn’t seemed to mind regardless, with the speed his had disappeared. 

Even in the terse environment of this post kiss household he felt safe enough to cook. It was as he was wondering if he could convince Kravitz to stay while he started to prepare a soup for dinner that the man stood up and Taako heard a noise. He raised one hand signalling for Kravitz to stand very still and he heard it again. It was a high and gentle yowl, whatever was making it couldn’t be very big. His ears flicked straight up as he waited for it once more, desperate to find the location of the sound. 

On the third time he heard it, he threw open the backdoor, looking frantically for the source. What if the noise was in trouble and he didn’t reach it in time? Kravitz followed softly, a few steps behind him, not wanting to distract the elf from his task. It was on the fourth wail he worked it out, rushing forward a few steps and dropping to his heels by one of the bushes in the yard. He reached forward into the bush and pulled his hand back out almost as quickly, though now it was holding one tiny kitten.

The cat couldn’t be more than a few months old, a soft grey thing with eyes the same orange brown as the man behind him. Taako thought the kitten might be a sign, though of what he wasn’t sure. He turned to Kravitz, cradling it to his chest. The kitten clearly appreciated this as he curled further into the elf’s hand, his wails temporarily halted. 

Kravitz thought they made a perfect pair, he didn’t know if he had seen anything as cute in his life as the elf, hair shielding the besotted look on his face, and the kitten looking back at him with adoring eyes. This was too much on too little sleep but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. Fuck all the paintings, this would be the image of Taako burned into his brain forevermore. The sun cast it all in golden light, the whole scene almost too beautiful for him to fully comprehend. He wished he could show the elf this scene and all the paintings and his nineteen year old self's sketchbook, maybe then he could explain all of his feelings in a way that could be understood. 

They walked back into the house in silence. He guessed for now he had a cat, for as long as he had the elf. 

“We should name him.” Taako’s smile filled the room and Kravitz ached with it. He didn’t know how he could have gone from the frowning figure attacking a sandwich with a chef’s knife to the radiant image in front of him. 

“We should also take them to the vet.” Kravitz held out a finger to the tiny creature and it licked him thoughtfully before biting down with needle sharp teeth. “I don’t think they like me.” 

Taako laughed and the kitten released his hand to mew up at the elf. 

“Name first, Krav.” Taako looked up at the Reaper, while to a casual observer he looked as stern as ever, he could see how soft he had gone around the eyes. Kravitz was just as in love with the creature as he was. 

“How about,” he left himself space to think, a process made harder by Taako’s eyes on him. “How about Lavender, because she was found under a lavender bush.” 

Taako let out a short, sharp laugh, cut off in an attempt not to disturb the kitten still nestled against the soft looking sweater he wore. Kravitz bristled for a second, it was a good name. And he knew Taako’s favourite flower had once been lavender, it was the whole damn reason he grew it. 

“Kravitz, I need you to look at me and answer honestly.” The man nodded surprised by the sudden seriousness in his voice. “Do you really think that is a lavender bush?” 

He nodded confusion evident on his face. Taako didn’t think he had ever laughed that hard. Kravitz had to reach out and scoop the kitten from his hands for fear he would fall to the ground laughing with the delicate thing still in his grasp.

“Oh no… my man…” His speech was cut off by more laughter and Kravitz absentmindedly petted the head of the kitten while waiting for whatever was so funny. “That is… that is very much....”

He took one more breath, and reached out clinging to Kravitz’s arm for stability. “Rosemary, it is a rosemary bush. Weren’t you concerned when it never flowered?” 

With that he started to laugh too and soon they were both lost in it, shoulders shaking with the concentrated effort of staying upright. The kitten tried to wriggle from Kravitz’s grasp. Disturbed by the noise and the movement it started to wail again, only serving to make them laugh a little harder, though Kravitz shifted his hands to make sure the thing was comfortable. It was the first moment of ease either of them had had in a while, the last remnants of unhappy dreams discarded entirely. 

**....**

Lup came home that evening to two grown men sitting on the floor staring rapturously at a grey slip of a cat. She hadn’t thought her talk with Krav had been kiss, make up and adopt a kitten good but she was relieved to see them both looking a little lighter. The kitchen was a mess and they explained the day from their positions on the floor, both unwilling to take their eyes from their new pet. 

They introduced the small thing as Lavender and Lup thought the name suited the small cat with it’s fur almost lilac as the light of the sunset filtered through the windows. They made a cute family, the three of them.

The mess in the kitchen put her a little further at ease, her brother never had been one for cleaning up his messes. She washed the knives, put away some unused vegetables and wiped the surfaces, setting up fresh for use tomorrow. They were gonna be okay this little family they were creating, she was sure now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-- Post Script --
> 
> After the vet visit Kravitz calls the contractor that planted his garden and discovers that it is in fact a rosemary bush. The lavender bushes are much further back and could have done with being watered far more than they have been.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get dinner. Lup moves out.

Lup and Merle were trying to kill him; that was the only solution he could think of for what was about to happen. Humiliating him entirely by making him intrude on Kravitz’s life hadn’t been bad enough and now they were trying to do a murder on him. It had to be that, or else they were earnestly suggesting that he and Kravitz should go out for dinner alone and in public. He thought the kiss would have been enough of a show, but apparently not. Apparently to seem like you are celebrities in love, or something approximating it, you have to be seen together. There may or may not have been an ultimatum involved on the part of his long suffering agent and Taako felt a little bad for a moment. It wasn’t just his career on the line presently, if they couldn’t clear his name then it was Merle’s ass on the line also. 

He had drawn the line at a sappy Instagram post though. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed, though he was. It was mostly that he didn’t want to subject Kravitz to the mess that was his socials currently. He wasn’t the internet's favourite person and boy were they gonna let him know that. 

Lup had made the reservation, because she was a bad sister who hated him and she’d laughed while she had done it. He hadn’t wanted to go out without her on her last night in the brownstone but she had looked him in the eye, her face almost approaching earnest and told him that the best thing she could do for her was prove to her that ‘her boys’ could coexist. His ears had blushed at her casual grouping of him and the Reaper. Sometimes he wanted to yell at her that this wasn’t real, they were pretending. It made even the thought of moving on ache, when he could see that she thought something that had died years ago was still there. 

Through all that he was excited that she got to live with Barry and build a museum. She had always deserved to be the successful sibling and watching all the pieces of her life come together was spectacular. She was going to be more brilliant than he could have imagined, of course she was. It had stung for a while, when Barry had moved to the city and she had stayed in California. They had both waited for the blow up with baited breath. And then it hadn’t come, and she stayed happy. She deserved it, he knew, but briefly it had hurt him so bad that he hadn’t been able to look at her for a week. What did they have that he and Kravitz hadn’t. But she was his sister and he had got over himself and now they were here and he couldn’t wait to watch her become a legend in the eyes of the world. 

Even if she had made a reservation at a fancy place with slow music and candles on the table. She had made them go on a date because she was evil and didn’t love them. 

He wasn’t sure how Kravitz felt about the situation, but it was clearly better than coffee had been. There was no panic this time. He watched as Kravitz came down the bedroom stairs and tried not to let his jaw hit the floor. When he had known the man he had been beautiful of course, but now the lanky awkwardness of youth had been replaced with muscle and confidence. Taako would have been lying if he had said it wasn’t working for him. Today Kravitz was out of his usual smart but soft painting trousers, replaced with well cut suit pants, as well as one of his normal, strict button ups. A dark grey blazer was thrown over one shoulder and even from across the room Taako could see the glittering threads woven through, shots of silver spreading like veins through the fabric. The man was even wearing eyeliner, for fucks sake, it was unfair he could look this good. 

“Fuck, am I under dressed?” He normally had absolute confidence in his style but the weight of public scrutiny that now followed him had left him with less certainty in all elements of himself. Kravitz’s eyes scanned him up and down and he tried not to squirm. How was he supposed to move on when the man looked at him like that, there should have been rules against it. 

Kravitz smiled at him and for a second he forgot it all. “You look perfect, love.”

He was so fucked. 

His voice shook when he called out a goodbye to Lup. He simply wanted to curl up with the beautiful man and their tiny cat and never even think about leaving the house. He didn’t care if Kravitz was never in love with him again, he would take whatever he could if it meant Kravitz would keep smiling at him like that. Moving on sucked so much more the second time around. 

**....**

Kravitz tried to still the tremor in his hands as he reached for the door to the Uber outside his house. The compliment had fallen from his mouth before he could even think about what he was saying, natural as water flowing through a stream. The worst part was he had meant it entirely. Taako was ethereal in an almost sheer shirt tucked into a skirt, paired with the boots he always wore. Kravitz was a little sad that by the time he got downstairs the glamour was already up, he wished he had seen the real flesh face hidden under it. Taako looked at him differently without the glamour, those glances only he saw were like food to a starving man. 

He didn’t know whose idea a dinner date had been but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch them or buy them a decent bottle of wine. Considering it had probably been Lup, a punch to the face would have been a bad idea. He had never seen her lose a fight. She had at least made the reservation at some hole in the wall place that was far to fancy for someone like him. He was pretty sure he was way overdressed for wine and pasta but at least he’d look good in the pictures they were hoping would be taken. 

The cab ride was silent and he wasn’t sure if it was a comfortable silence or not, his compliment had probably crossed a line that he wasn’t supposed to cross with his fake boyfriend who he was pretending he didn’t love. Taako’s hands fluttered, partially obscured by the material of his skirt and it took everything in him not to reach out and take them in his own. They weren’t in public yet, holding hands when no one could see them was definitely crossing a line. Things had been easier since Lavender arrived, he thought. But even that wasn’t right they had become easier before that, when they had sat in the kitchen eating maybe the best sandwich he had ever had. He just didn’t know how to say all the thoughts that sat in his chest, tangled up with his lungs. 

All too soon they pulled up at the restaurant. He was quick to get out of the car, dashing round to open the door for the elf. He heard a camera shutter from somewhere behind him and knew with a certainty that they would make a good picture. Him opening the car door like a knight from a fairytale, then the two of them arm in arm as they walked to the restaurant door. It was almost tragic how good they looked together, when Taako was the one person in the world he could not have. 

Their table was predictably at the front, right by the front window and he tried not to think of the cameras on the other side of the glass as he pulled out Taako’s chair. He just wouldn’t order spaghetti. It was easier to think of this as a photoshoot, rather than a sort of date. Taako looked at him so gently from over the menu and he melted a little into his chair. 

The elf’s voice was the first to break the silence, his voice soft and steady when he did. “Anything you recommend?” 

He wasn’t sure he could say the same of his when he replied, loud even in his own ears. He felt like he was shaking a little, suddenly all too much. It was taking everything in him not to be consumed by anxiety that had arrived quickly and without mercy. “Oh, I’ve never been here either.”

He winced as he talked, sure he was yelling or otherwise doing something embarrassing. He tried to take a deep breath and it only stuttered a little. He had suddenly been taken over by the memory of a thousand dinners, at all sorts of tables. Cheap fries at local fast food places and six course meals made by the twins. The two of them had always been in constant competition of who could make the more elaborate dessert. He thought he might be having a heart attack, but at least then he’d see his mother again. 

Taako’s eyes narrowed a little in what was either concern or embarrassment. Kravitz wished he could just be normal, that he could just make this easy for the other man. 

The elf stared back down at the menu, but as he did his hand reached across the table. It landed on top of Kravitz’s own and he felt his pulse slow just a little with the natural gesture. The elf started talking about the menu once more but all Kravitz could think of was the feeling of Taako’s skin against his. His hands were surprisingly soft given the nature of his profession and his nails were painted a gentle, opalescent colour. He was wearing a ring Kravitz knew Lup had bought years ago and there was a little daisy painted on his middle finger nail, likely also the work of the architect. The glamour didn’t change Taako’s hands.

It was a little simpler after that. The cameras had gone away after a while but Taako’s hand didn’t move until their food came. He had ordered the same as the elf, the other man had an innate sense of the best thing on any menu. He had said as much to the waiter and it had been worth it to watch Taako blush, all the way down his ears and softly across the bridge of his nose.

He had also delighted in picking dessert, knowing the other man well enough to know exactly what he would want. The silence between them had definitely swung back to comfortable at some point and he was glad. He had always been the one person who got to see Taako at his quietest. He was glad he was a place where the elf didn’t have to perform his personality for the world to see. He had missed their quiet meal times just as much as he had missed the ones that had been a whirlwind of knives and sizzling pans. 

It was hard not to think he could get used to this being his life when it was dangling right in front of him.

**....**

The house felt empty without Lup, she was fire and sunlight and it all felt a little colder without her there to love them both despite their ongoing stupidity. Lavender had taken to her more than either of the boys so she spent the first night of her absence wailing on what was once her pillow, while Taako tried to sleep. Taako knew how she felt. He had gotten used to his sister’s constant companionship. He almost missed the old Taako who could be left alone for more than a day without feeling hollowed out. The bed was too big for him to sleep in alone. 

It was on the third day in her absence when he decided that night he would sleep on the living room couch, returning Kravitz’s bed to the painter. He kicked himself for not doing it sooner, he was taking up space in the man’s life that never should have been for him. He wasn’t looking forward to sleeping on a couch but it was one step closer to leaving this house, and maybe to moving on for good this time. 

As much as he had dreaded the dinner, things had felt a little easier after, the more time they shared the closer he was to understanding the man Kravitz had become in his absence. 

The kitchen had become an easier place to be as well. He scooped Lavender off the floor and onto the baby blanket they had placed on the counter. This way she didn’t twist around his ankles screaming for scraps the entire time he was cooking. Instead she stared at him with her judgemental little eyes until he offered up some tiny morsel and then she would fall into a dead sleep, dreaming little kitten dreams. He looked at the tiny thing as he tied his hair up, he wondered which one of them would keep her when he moved out. He thought Kravitz would probably get the cat, he needed her more, all alone in his house. 

Today he was going to make soup, nothing too intense, just an easy carrot and potato one. He had even bought the ingredients, the first time he’d gone to a grocery store in over a month. It had been easier than he thought it would, here in the city there weren’t the same eyes on him that there had been in California. The sun had felt good on his face. He had grown used to the weather from evenings sitting in the painter's garden, watching the sun set behind a thousand houses. 

The process of making soup went by easily, soundtracked by the birds outside and Lavender’s lazy purr. Instead of his normal text, he thought he should go retrieve the painter from his studio, though he wasn’t sure where the urge came from. Maybe he just wanted to see where the other man spent all his time. 

(Though, since the discovery of the cat, it had been less. The domesticity of watching Kravitz pet her while completing computer work on the couch made his chest ache.)

There was music filtering through the studio door and Taako paused before his knuckles hit the wood. His album sliced through him, the all too familiar sound making him want to weep. He could hear his own voice and under it the low melody of Kravitz singing along, a sound nothing in the world could have prepared him for. 

All thoughts of knocking left his head and he burst through the door taking the stairs so quickly he was worried he was going to fall down them. This had to be it, he was going to tell him. All the hurt and the sadness that he had poured into that album and Kravitz felt it too, he must have. 

But the sound of the music stopped as he did and when Kravitz turned around it was with something closer to anger than the ache of longing that had lived in Taako’s chest for all these years. His skin flared red, this was a stupid idea. He paused to take stock of the studio. On one side was a short couch covered in a rumpled pile of blankets, and in front of him was a painting and its painter. 

He thought time must have frozen in the seconds it took for him to choke out that lunch was ready. By the time the words were out he was already moving up the stairs, somehow faster than he’d gone down them. He shouldn’t have gone in there, it was a private place and he’d upset Kravitz. That and he’d seen the painting and he didn’t know what to do with that information. 

There at the bottom of the steps, in the place he never should have gone, was a painting of his face staring back at him in soft tones of golden light. It must have been from the day they found Lavender, he recognised the sweater he had been wearing. It felt wrong seeing his own face through Kravitz’s eyes, like he’d unlocked a secret he had never been meant to have. 

He started pouring the soup into bowls as he heard the man’s slow footsteps on the stairs and he wished he had worn a nicer shirt. 

**....**

Kravitz wanted the entire ground floor to swallow him. He wanted to melt into the paint and blankets that made up his studio space. Taako was going to hate him now, the elf had moved on and here he was singing his music and painting nothing but his face. For a second as he turned he thought he had seen a nervous kind of hope in the elf’s eyes but it had vanished so quickly it might as well have been a trick of the light. 

He kept his eyes firmly to the ground as he made his way to the kitchen, whatever look Taako was about to level at him he didn’t want to see. It was all too embarrassing. 

The soup was good and Taako had baked bread yesterday to go with it so he kept his eyes firmly on his hands as he ate. The silence between them returning back to it’s fractured state. Maybe one day they would be able to break this awful cycle of comfort and discomfort, but even that thought was more than he could take. 

“You should stop sleeping on the couch.” Those were not the words he had expected to hear especially not as Taako continued ahead. “It’s your bed, you should be sleeping in it.” 

He looked at Taako and the look in his eyes wasn’t hatred, just something closer to disappointment and that hurt just as bad, only in new and interesting ways. He could feel a blush start to rise as he pictured sharing a bed with the elf. He didn’t know how this had been the outcome of Taako hearing him and seeing what he had but if he’d have known then he would have had the elf in his studio on the first day. 

“Oh... “ He swallowed hard, hoping his voice would even out. “Thank you.” 

Taako smiled his easy smile and his chest warmed. 

They ordered Chinese food for dinner and ate it on the living room sofa, Taako’s feet tucked under his leg and some sitcom rerun playing on the TV. He was burning with anticipation for that night, for sharing a bed with another person. The studio situation had not blown up in his face yet and he was going to let these golden moments carry on for as long as he could. 

Eventually it took everything in him to stop from yawning and he rose off the couch, stretching out limbs that were a little sore from sleeping on one for too long. 

“I’m gonna head to bed now.” He knew the elf could work it out but he wasn’t sure where the correct boundaries of politeness were when sharing a bed with your first and greatest love who did not love you in return. 

“Oh, yeah, course,” Taako paused. “Where should I get blankets from?” 

He felt a furrow form in his brow, he didn’t understand what the elf was saying.

“The bed?” 

“I just-” One of Taako’s hands flew up to his face and he rubbed across it in a harsh gesture. “You will be in the bed.” 

The furrow deepened as he realised he had completely misread what was happening. In the split second of realisation he discarded embarrassment entirely, he was too old and too tired for this. 

“Sorry, I thought we could share my bed. It is big enough and you are a guest so you shouldn’t have to sleep on the couch.” 

It was Taako’s turn to blush now and he hated how stern he sounded in his own ears. 

“I mean, you don’t ha-”

“-that would be nice, thank you.” 

The elf’s voice was high and Kravitz could see how pink the tips of his ears were and it just made him want to kiss the man even more. Instead he reached out one hand, helping the man rise and together they made their way up the stairs and into his bed. For the first time in years, when he fell asleep all he dreamed of was the elf’s warm body curled against his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope you enjoy this one, somewhere along writing this and the next one i went completely off my plan and i think it is better for it
> 
> also i write one chapter ahead at a time so i've just finished chapter 8 and like,,, im very proud of it and i need to write 9 bc i want to share it now 
> 
> thanks for reading, kudos and comments make my day :)


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